Life is Grace

discoveries of grace in my messy and imperfect, but blessed, spoonie life

When people ask me why I’m studying theology, I usually just explain, “Well, I want to work as a chaplain, preferably in hospice.” Sometimes I just get a handsstrange look, more often I get the look along with an “…oh, okay…” Occasionally a brave person will speak up and ask me what a chaplain actually does, or why I’d want to do something so depressing. A relative told me once he wished I would do something more worthwhile with my life than prayer. Um, okay.

I did my first chaplaincy internship back in my twenties, before I had to drop out of school to deal with my fibromyalgia and migraines. This is a short story about my first hospice consult (I was terrified) which was subsequently published in our archdiocesan newspaper when they asked for submission on the question: Who Is My Neighbor?

Dwarfed by the hospital bed, surrounded by IVs and beeping monitors, she was a tiny, frail elderly woman with enormous haunted dark eyes dominating a white face. A native of Poland, she spoke little English, but was nonetheless able to understand the diagnosis: inoperable stomach cancer.

Six months, maybe less, to live.

I was a chaplain intern with a grand total of three weeks experience,
observing my first hospice consult. What could I, a 27-year-old graduate
student, possibly say to a lonely frightened dying woman who didn’t
even speak English?

As I stood huddled  in a corner of the room and watched, a tear formed in one of those dark eyes and slid slowly down her face. Then another. And another. Her fragile body began to shake; and suddenly I found myself far from the safety of my hidden corner, my inexperience forgotten, my arms around her and my face buried against her shoulder, I dug out my little blue
plastic rosary, and as we wept and prayed together, the healing love of
Christ transcended the gulf between us, overcoming the barriers of
language and age, binding us together as fellow pilgrims walking hand in
hand on our journey home.

In truth, I have come to realize since, we are all fellow pilgrims on a journey home to the God who created us and loves us beyond our wildest imaginings. We are, indeed, our brother’s (and sister’s) keeper, and we are called to bear one another’s burdens. We have more in common than we realize, as I discovered in my first hospice consult, and  it is
through Christ’s love that we are able to journey with, and heal, each
other.

And THAT is why I want to be a chaplain.

8 thoughts on “you want to be a…chaplain?

  1. joynpain2 says:

    I think that it’s absolutely wonderful. You will do such good.

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    1. Thanks! If I can get a job, that is. It’s very competitive!

      Like

  2. It is interesting when I tell people I serve in hospital chaplaincy. Often they say something like, “I don’t how you can do that.” I think they see me journeying from patient to patient with sadness piling upon sadness. When the reality is that I journey from patient to patient with blessing piling upon blessing. I feel privileged.

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    1. That is so true. I have been amazed, during my internships, by the way people welcome me into their lives to journey with them. There is grace in every encounter, I think–and it is a tremendous privilege to discover it with patients and their loved ones.

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  3. Love that. Such a wonderful calling!

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    1. barbaramarincel says:

      It is, from what I’ve seen of the chaplains I know. I don’t think I’m quite ready to do it myself, though, I have some heavy-duty therapy to go through first! Thanks for the support, it means a lot to me–you have no idea. 🙂

      Like

      1. Anytime! I don’t think we ever really feel ready to do what we are being pulled to do. baby steps will always get you there safely 🙂
        Best of luck to you and I’m sure you will be bringing a lot of peace to people soon.

        Like

      2. barbaramarincel says:

        Thanks! In any case, I’ll keep writing about it. 🙂

        Like

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