Life is Grace

Seeking the Blessings in the Chaos

TRIGGER ALERT

I once, years ago, had a terrible experience with EMDR. It is powerful stuff. I had a therapist who was harsh and pushy and obviously not well-trained in the techniques for using EMDR in therapy.

I don’t remember much of the abuse, or the rape. I was so traumatized that my memories remain fragmented, unprocessed by my brain.

But they are still there.The guilt, the shame, the crummy self-esteem, the grief…

I’ve made huge strides in therapy over the last twenty years. But I cannot really get past the trauma stored in the little gray cells of my mind. Hey, I can’t even deal with losing my beloved mom and dad, and they’ve been gone for 7 and 21 years, respectively. So, I am trying EMDR this summer. My therapist recommended I wait until I am with class for the spring before starting; it can cause nasty PTSD flares, and I don’t want to deal with class and trauma simultaneously.

I am frightened, though. I don’t want to deal with those memories. I’d much rather my brain just pack them away and let me get on with my life. I keep repeating to myself the words of Eleanor Roosevelt: “You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” So because I want to live my life fully, instead of cowering in the shadows waiting for the next trigger to spark a flare out of seemingly nowhere, I will face my fears, and do the thing I think I cannot do.

4 thoughts on “A to Z Challenge: E is for EMDR

  1. I hope you can find a way to get through and heal from the trauma in your past. If you haven’t looked into Christian counseling yet I would recommend it. True peace and comfort come from God alone!

    Stopping by from the A to Z 🙂

    Like

  2. If I were near, I’d give you a big, tight hug. Love the Eleanor Roosevelt quote. It’s spot on. Do the things you think you cannot do, and hopefully each day will get a little better.
    My very best,
    Silvia @
    SilviaWrites

    Like

    1. barbaramarincel says:

      Thanks Sylvia! Another quote I like to remember is Chinese, that every journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step!

      Like

  3. barbaramarincel says:

    Thanks for stopping by! I actually do Xian counseling also–I have a spiritual director, I have a specially trained “Befriender” from our parish whom I spill my guts to every month or so, my therapist has spiritual training, and to top it off, I am a grad student in theology and have done pastoral counseling myself as a chaplain intern. I had the privilege of working with a group of WWII vets with PTSD. Fabulous group of guys.

    Thanks for the reminder of the importance of faith and spirituality in healing. 🙂

    Like

I'd love to know what you think, please feel free to comment.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Blooms and Bubbles

(it's still East Meets Breast...)

The Sweaty Knitter, Weaver and Devotee of Other Fiber Arts

Interweaving life with fiber arts! (Photograph by Carly Moskat.)

indahs: dive, travel & photography

cities - cultures - ocean - marine life

myowncalcuttablog.com

Homeless shelter, volunteering, family, struggles, inspiration

fotosbykarin.blog

Karin Ravasio nature photography, blogging about motivation, designing fashion items and how to make money online.

Mason Jars and Lightning Bugs

Simple Gifts from the South

Gingerfancy Photography

Still life, Nature, and Macro Photography

Anastasia Writes

politics, engineering, parenting, relevant things over coffee.

Brainless Blogger

A blog about chronic illness and chronic pain life

Sixteen Miles Out

... capturing life from my perspective

Seonaid Teal Photography

A passionate photographer with particular interest in nature photography, wildlife photography, macro photography and all things Lensbaby.

Doodlebug Designz

Creating peace and beauty through photography ...

Bane of Your Resistance

A place to share insight and information about the many forms of writer’s resistance (writer’s block, procrastination, distractions, looking for answers in the fridge, keeping yourself too busy to write, etc.) so you can stop resisting and start really enjoying your writing.

Simple. Florida. Pleasures.

Nature and wildlife images by Florida based photographer, Kelly Hay.

Meredith Images Blog

Tips, Tricks & Techniques for Photographers - Turn Ho-Hum into a Work of Art!

Life with an Illness

Sharing my chronic illness journey, while helping others. I spread awareness, love, and positivity along the way!♡

%d bloggers like this: