Life is Grace

discoveries of grace in my messy and imperfect, but blessed, life

TRIGGER ALERT

I once, years ago, had a terrible experience with EMDR. It is powerful stuff. I had a therapist who was harsh and pushy and obviously not well-trained in the techniques for using EMDR in therapy.

I don’t remember much of the abuse, or the rape. I was so traumatized that my memories remain fragmented, unprocessed by my brain.

But they are still there.The guilt, the shame, the crummy self-esteem, the grief…

I’ve made huge strides in therapy over the last twenty years. But I cannot really get past the trauma stored in the little gray cells of my mind. Hey, I can’t even deal with losing my beloved mom and dad, and they’ve been gone for 7 and 21 years, respectively. So, I am trying EMDR this summer. My therapist recommended I wait until I am with class for the spring before starting; it can cause nasty PTSD flares, and I don’t want to deal with class and trauma simultaneously.

I am frightened, though. I don’t want to deal with those memories. I’d much rather my brain just pack them away and let me get on with my life. I keep repeating to myself the words of Eleanor Roosevelt: “You must do the thing you think you cannot do.” So because I want to live my life fully, instead of cowering in the shadows waiting for the next trigger to spark a flare out of seemingly nowhere, I will face my fears, and do the thing I think I cannot do.

4 thoughts on “A to Z Challenge: E is for EMDR

  1. I hope you can find a way to get through and heal from the trauma in your past. If you haven’t looked into Christian counseling yet I would recommend it. True peace and comfort come from God alone!

    Stopping by from the A to Z 🙂

    Like

  2. If I were near, I’d give you a big, tight hug. Love the Eleanor Roosevelt quote. It’s spot on. Do the things you think you cannot do, and hopefully each day will get a little better.
    My very best,
    Silvia @
    SilviaWrites

    Like

    1. barbaramarincel says:

      Thanks Sylvia! Another quote I like to remember is Chinese, that every journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step!

      Like

  3. barbaramarincel says:

    Thanks for stopping by! I actually do Xian counseling also–I have a spiritual director, I have a specially trained “Befriender” from our parish whom I spill my guts to every month or so, my therapist has spiritual training, and to top it off, I am a grad student in theology and have done pastoral counseling myself as a chaplain intern. I had the privilege of working with a group of WWII vets with PTSD. Fabulous group of guys.

    Thanks for the reminder of the importance of faith and spirituality in healing. 🙂

    Like

I'd love to know what you think, please feel free to comment.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

doxaweb.wordpress.com/

Our every encounter leads someone toward beatitude or away from it

Minute Meditations

Presented by Benedictine University, Campus Ministry

Medievalists.net

Where the Middle Ages Begin

Reflections

We are what we think.

PTSD and beyond

The good and the bad of having an illness

Lavender and Levity

Laughing at myself, and learning to love (live with) it!

A New Day: Living Life Almost Gracefully

Photography and Thoughts About Life and Aging

Living A Fibro Life

My life with Fibromyalgia

Ramblings of a 50+ Female

Fibromyalgia, Sleep Apneoa, Mental Health, Endometriosis, Osteoarthritis, Granny, Nature, Scotland.

Invisibly Me

Your struggles may be invisible, you are not. Health, Lifestyle, Chronic Illness & Pain, Leisure, Finances, News & Reviews.

Fibro Ramblings

Living with Fibromyalgia

Women With Fibromyalgia

Fibromyalgia Support for Women

imageintoikon.wordpress.com/

exploring creativity and spirituality

Being Benedictine

A Listening Heart

CoffeeMamma

Just a Mom that loves her family, coffee & blog.

Rev. Rebecca Writes

Faith. Books. Disability Awareness

The Petite Press

a home design blog

UndeniablySara

Survive Narcissistic Abuse, fight Chronic Illness, and begin to Heal.

%d bloggers like this: