Hey fibro friends, I found this on a terrific fibro blog I discovered today, called “Fab with Fibro” (which is what we all want to be, right?); the link is from The Mighty, one of my all-time favorite chronic illness (physical and mental) websites. They have a marvelous newsletter I highly recommend.
Anyway, I’ve been struggling with giving up my long-time dream of being a chaplain. Lots of tears, anger, envy toward the entire world of healthy people who can take any job they want without needing to think twice about health limitations…in other words, loads of grief with a big dose of self-pity mixed in. So when I read this list by The Mighty, it felt as though it was written specifically for me. So I thought I’d share this, with many thanks to fabwithfibro, for those of you who are coming bang up against fibro and other health limitations too.
I always wanted a happy ending…Now I’ve learned the hard way that some poems don’t rhyme, and some stories don’t have a clear beginning, middle, and end. Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what’s going to happen next. Delicious ambiguity. (Gilda Radner)
Goodbye March…and hello April! March in Minnesota is definitely not spring, it’s more like winter’s last gasp, and weather-wise we had it all! Which did not help my fibromyalgia, depression, or recovery from foot surgery (March 18).
But in many ways March was a lovely month. In a way, the unflinching support and love my friends and family have shown has made much of the physical and emotional pain–well, not worthwhile, exactly, but (forgive the cliché) has amounted to a sturdy silver lining.
And photography is fast becoming as necessary to my emotional health as my medications. Actually, in many ways it’s a form of meditation, keeping me grounded in the present moment. When I’m shooting I lose track of time, of anxiety for the future and regrets for the past, immersed in the intricacies and minutiae of photography–even though, at this time, it is only iphoneography (which is most definitely a thing now). It uplifts my mood, I love pretty things, and makes me feel productive. It’s rather ironic; thus far I have made zero income with my graduate degree, but I’ve actually, much to my surprise, sold licensing rights to some of my photographs.
I think that perhaps in life it’s more useful to be resilient, to bend with the wind and the earthquakes but not break, than to be stoic and iron-willed. Because you never know what life is going to throw at you, and if you stay too stiff, too wedded to one particular result, it’s almost impossible to go on without becoming a bitter, angry person…
In any case, it’s finally April. Our first real month of spring…tulips, irises, peonies, apple blossoms, hyacinths and daffodils. More sunlight and longer days! A wedding, an anniversary party, and the home baseball opener. And, I finally have the go-ahead for long walks–once the pain subsides–for the first time since I broke my foot in October. So hello April, I promise to cherish every moment. Most of them anyways!